I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
