Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
