I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
