He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
