I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
