I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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