my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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