That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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