Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
