Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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