I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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