I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im part way to drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
