oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
