its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
