I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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