She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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