I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
