I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
