Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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