I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
