What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize