i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
