mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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