yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
