Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
