Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
