its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
