I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
