I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
