she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
