Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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