She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
