I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
