so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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