I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
