My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
