you guys were way drunker than both of me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize