So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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