im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
