Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
