he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
