my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
