so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
