dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
