She announced her abortion via fbk
My pussy is not your playground.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
