just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she pinky promised me she was 18
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize