question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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