he wants to bone in the snuggie
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
