Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
