i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
