where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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