Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
