Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
