one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
