nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
