I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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