i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
