shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
