I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
