Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
