nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize