Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
