i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
