He disabled his match.com account in front of me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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