i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
