i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
