i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
