I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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