best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
