I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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