Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
