Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
