having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he fucked my hip out of place.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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