So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
