bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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