It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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