No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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