Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
