I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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