Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
