we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
