You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
