hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
