honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
