Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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