do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
