just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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