OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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