So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
