Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The Olympian is in my bed
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