Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
