I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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