I CAN MOONWALK!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
