My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
