This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
