Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We need to get me chipped asap
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
