She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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