I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
they need to just BURY HIM!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
