Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
