Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
