that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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