Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
