Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
