You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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