i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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