She's JV to your varsity
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
