I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
