areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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