i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
