I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
