I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
