U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
