Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
