It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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