my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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