i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
