also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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