the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
